Posts Categorized as: parenting
It seems that for now, I cannot avoid the autobiographical. I’ve written drafts for three or four posts but they all fail in several areas; most notably in passion. So my apologies.
We recently sent my oldest to college. During our last night at home together I gave him a final “Dad talk.” I reminded him of just a few things that he already knew but needed emphasis. It didn’t last very long. What I really wanted to do was to send him away with my blessing. I had to wing it of course. No one ever taught me the formality of that process so I laid my hands on his raggedy, adolescent head and waded in. I ended my rudimentary attempt at a Biblical ritual by praying Numbers 6 over him with lots of tears but only a few catches in my throat. In traditional Garrett fashion he quietly accepted my touch in a humble yet strong way. In what was a very weird, awkward and holy moment I felt as close to Garrett as I can remember. My firstborn, doing exactly what we wanted him to do, was leaving with my blessing to go make his way as a man in this world.
The next day, I left for yet another trip and during our final hug, I whispered, “Be brave.”
He nodded, I got choked up and we parted ways. Of course I was saying that to myself just as much as I was to him. His Mom and sister bravely took him to college—lots of tears there. Our adjustment at home is new and weird and wonderful because although this is painful, this is what is supposed to be. We WANT him to be brave, to be a man, to do daring and godly things.* And now Kate has to face her remaining years of High School alone. She too needs to be brave right now. Driving a stick, social pressure, her vasculitis, future decisions etc. All of those things are now upon her. Shannon and I are staring down the barrel of all kinds of new frontiers. Everything is changing and we all need to learn to be brave.
As one of those families who has adopted a somewhat gypsy/activist/suburban/missionary/homeowner life, we have had lots of moments where we had to move toward the breach. What I mean is that as we move down (or forward in) the timeline, God continues to bring us to cross roads that will force us to choose. This is a complicated and multi-faceted issue but in the end, we are all forced by the inevitability of time to choose something. Courage is needed because of our inherent desire to avoid pain. It is always some kind of battle. When that battle has a breaking point, that is the direction we need to go toward rather than shun. Our courage is directly tied to the cost of a certain decision and I have chosen the cowardly way far too many times. As I face my embarrassing cowardice I consistently hunt for images and words in the Bible that remind me to manifest courage.
I have been studying the Gospel of Mark for some time now. Yesterday the phrase describing Joseph of Arimathea in Mark 15 just jumped off the page at me. He was a prominent member of the council and he was “waiting for the Kingdom of God.” He had been on the periphery with Jesus. He was soul-kin to Nicodemus—A believer but not ready to pay that real cost of losing his comfortable place and resectable power. But after Jesus died he “gathered up courage and went in before Pilate, and asked for the body of Jesus” (Mk 15:43). I was struck by the proactive statement: “he gathered up.” (Pause to consider) Joseph ends up, by the brute force of time and circumstance to finally have to make a choice between his former life and Jesus. To do so meant a great deal of perceived loss. So he had to get courage and go forward, toward the crossroads and change the course of his life. Many times in the Bible you see the phrase “take courage.” or “be strong and courageous.” The result of doing this is that you become courageous by choosing and grabbing courage in a painful situation.
We live in this awful yet wonderful time. Politics and fury make our world feel like something out of the miserable part of history books. Fear is absolutely rampant. How do we live in hope? When violence and manifest evil make headlines every day how are we to move forward with church planting, prophetic living, loving our neighbors (who are not like us at all any more) and raising our children to be brave? Should we be positive or cynical? There is a false kind of courage that makes some Christians reactive. Love turns to defense, attacks replace conversation and the fringe-voices that only hold judgement get too much attention. People want to fight or flee. The fight option seems harmful and mean. Consequently many of us take the flight option. It’s true: we can try to hide, protect ourselves and keep everyone from harm. But the timeline toward terrible things is marching on…we cannot avoid it. Choosing comes upon us all.
What we need now is to gather our courage. God is not weak. He is not inactive. It is in the breach where we find a chance to be change agents! We get the awesome and terrible privilege to stand with Jesus and co-labor with him (I Co 3:9). We get to share in both his sufferings and his glory (I Pe 4:13). We are ambassadors, agents of reconciliation, healers, pastors, teachers, servants, truth-speakers, prophets, worshipers, and seed-sowers. It takes courage to listen to our enemies, to love those who hate us and wish us harm, to try new, costly endeavors, to learn new work skills or to create something for God. Courage is needed for church planters, leaders, CEOs, moms, students, accountants, service workers and everyone who calls on Christ in every workplace. Only courage will give access to radical generosity, bold leadership and big attempts for the Lord. Courage is required to listen to the Holy Spirit and obey in the small and unknown sacrifices.
The costs are going up for those who follow Jesus. But the alternative is by far a worse option. Don’t be afraid—take courage. I know it sounds trite…it’s easy to say but it is hard to do. But this is the season to go toward the breach.
I remember the first sermon I ever preached. It was terrible. I thought I was going to die in the pulpit of the Algoa Mens Penitentiary in Jefferson City Missouri.
After 7 minutes of inane gibberish I just sat down, experiencing my first flop sweat; dizzy with both shame and adrenaline. The first sermon was hard. The second was even harder because now I knew what a bad preacher I was. 27 years later, I make my living by speaking and leading and it brings me joy rather than mind-numbing shock. Yet each time I preach or speak in public I am still required to gather courage to do my job. To lead my family, to love my aging parents and to participate in this amazing endeavor of church leadership, I am still required to gather my courage to obey my King. Please pray for me. I need it. If you want, let me know how I can pray for you.
As always, if you want to discuss any of this, hit me up on Twitter @MaupinRob, Facebook or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
*Garrett is studying to become a missionary pilot…he is choosing a very brave pathway indeed…please pray for him.
Prologue: Guest Writer
I am writing on behalf of my Dad, Clarence Maupin. He was born in Southwestern Nebraska in 1933. He wrote out this manuscript longhand and asked me to write it up for other people. I asked him permission to put this on my website and he reluctantly agreed—he was hoping just to give it to some family I think…. I have edited his grammar unless otherwise noted. All the mistakes are mine… all the good stuff is his. Few people in this era can say they had a wonderful Dad (and I am well aware of that), but I do. I will add some commentary at the end.
Love Tanks: Because Love is Energy
I think that Love is the most misused word in the English language. This happens when people misuse “love” in church down to saying that we love root beer or something even more mundane. I would like to concentrate these brief thoughts on the Agape love that comes from God and God alone.
It permeates our lives all the time—both for the Christian and the non-Christian. In the fourth chapter of 1 John, as I read it, all of the good love in this world originates with God. People cannot obtain it from any other source. This is significant because it relates to the concept of energy. All of the world (even the universe) moves from place to place in a regular fashion. It takes energy to accomplish this. In my experience as a farmer, this is a common experience for me.
In the history of man, there are times where sticks need to be gathered to prepare food and keep warm. This is common in the past as well as in many parts of the world today. The earth used the ashes and gases/smoke to regenerate new sources of energy. The human body uses energy in the way of food. From birth to death, the process of energy works in a cycle for the sustaining of life for the next generation.
As societies progressed technologically, they became more efficient in using energy from the earth. Coal turned out to be better than sticks; oil and natural gas were better than coal. Electricity was invented and harnessed and everything from hydroelectric power and nuclear energy were used as well. A singular feature of energy is that there must be a way to distribute it to where it is ultimately used.
As a case in point, the form of energy I am most familiar with is petroleum. The earth has a lot of oil deep underground. Thus it must be extracted and moved to refineries where it is then processed into the many products we use. The gasoline that comes from these refineries must be moved to filling stations where we fill up our gas tanks then go our merry way. This is just one example of the physical kinds of energy that we use every day. All of it comes from the earth that God made. Tides, storms, earthquakes, drought, flood and famine also all use or release energy. I could go on with examples of how energy is used, stored, distributed, mined and raised (by farmers/ranchers/fishermen etc.).
When energy reaches it’s final form (when it is ready to be used) it cannot retain its full strength or potency for extended periods of time. In the pioneer days of the West, cow (or buffalo) chips had a very short storage time. As you go up the chain [sic] to corn cobs and firewood you get a little longer storage time. While fossil fuels last a long time underground, once they are refined, they do not last as long at full strength.
Now then, compare this with the pure source of love: God. I think of love as a spiritual energy because it is what makes us move toward action. Agape love starts out in the person of God and can only be obtained from that one source. However, as it spreads out through the earth, it seems to become diluted by people and their mistakes. In my imagination I think that God’s love (energy) is distributed much like physical energy and the results are similar.
In my mind’s eye, I think that every baby is born with an empty love tank. His mother and father immediately start taking from their own love tank
and start filling their new arrival a little at a time. Grandparents and extended family and close friends also add to the baby’s love tank. While humans share some physical characteristics with animals, this intention to fill another with love is unique to humans. Animals will often protect their young, but as the young become mature, they often become competitors for food and territory. Humans are family for life if they have love.
Since the source of Agape (my version of high octane) love is God, I want to think about his distribution system. Devoted Christians are always able to fill up their love tanks through prayer and time with God. They can do this as often as needed* and then go out into the world and freely share that love. When they do, they put a little bit of love into another person’s love tank. While they consume a little of that energy while doing so, but most of that goes into others. When they are nearing empty, all they need to do is go back to the source for a refill and then repeat the cycle gain. This is the distribution system God designed.
The make up of this system is a combination of preachers, teachers, missionaries, fathers, mothers, uncles and aunts, husbands, wives, friends and co-workers. Those who have been served share some of this energy while they also consume some of it to survive and work. The real difficulty begins when many do not start from the source. Love becomes diluted and of a lesser quality as it gets passed on, barely shared and sometimes stolen. While all of mankind gets love from God, many do not acknowledge it and even deny it.
As I mentioned earlier, when energy is not used at the proper time, it disintegrates—love is the same way. You cannot store it for a long time. If you try, it will not perform like it should. If you are restoring an old engine, you need to get any old fuel out and start with fresh fuel, otherwise it actually does damage to that engine. Spiritual energy is the same way. You cannot let it remain unused and expect it to be effective. So, the moral of my story is to get love, use love, share love and replace love. Keep this cycle up and you will see the results of God’s Agape love over and over.
*cf John 5-6 for more support for this thought.
In his introductory page, Dad mentioned that my two grandmothers and my Mom had the best love tanks of anyone he’d ever known. I agree. I was fascinated as I read through this essay. Dad’s thinking mirrors some of the main thought of Dallas Willard’s book “The Spirit of the Disciplines.” My Dad didn’t go to college but he’s one of the smartest guys I know. Part of the allure of my Dad’s life and thought is that it takes a long time to get him to teach. He thinks over things for a long time (often alone on the tractor) and tests and re-tests them in the furnace of daily church life. Dad has been a leader at my home church for over 50 years. I have inherited that desire for effectiveness in my life and I have long searched for compelling ways to get people involved in missions, ministry and justice-related issues. Yet, as all long-term leaders learn over time, the issue of good leadership is the leader. Someone with a full and constantly renewed love-tank will always be effective at most levels. I am overjoyed with the unknown congruence of my own journey that has gone along with Dad’s. I love and owe him so much. I hope this has blessed you as a reader.